18 Oct

An Advertisement

Hi. I’m Tim the Teacher, and I make roughly $30,000 a year. On a global scale, that means I’m filthy fucking rich. Compared to other Americans, however, I earn a little more than the median income of women my age and quite a bit less than the median income of men my age. So I think I can claim that I’m middle class.

If at some point in the future, I were to earn $250,000 a year, I, like Joe the Plumber, would be upset with the government’s taxation – provided they’d continue using that money to spend in Iraq, a country with a budget surplus of $79 billion.

On the other hand, if the taxes would go toward supporting college outreach programs or funding continuing research into green energy or ensuring heating assistance for the poor or reducing crime recidivism, I might be willing to part with some of my ample funds.

Sure, I could use my increased earnings (seven times the amount I currently make) to buy seven houses. But I believe in the Christian ethic articulated by great men like C.S. Lewis and Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus that we should help those less fortunate than ourselves.

So I’m announcing my candidacy to be the next national mascot for the presidential campaign. Like Joe the Plumber, I’ll be just as snippy with the media, but unlike Joe, I’ll be informed on the real issues.

(brought to you by Tim the Teacher for National Political Mascot 2008)