Proposal (patent pending)
Dear Sirs or Madams,
Since the dawn of time, dolls have fascinated children. Though they may be of varying sophistication, dolls in every age and culture—from sock puppets to American Girls—offer children an opportunity to practice responsibility and compassion. Such play begins, no doubt, as an imitation of Mommy and Daddy, whose comfort-bringing authority is surely worthy of emulation. When little girls and boys pretend to preside over their helpless playthings, they get to feel more grown-up. And doll-play facilitates emotional and mental growth, as various studies have shown.
In recent decades, doll manufacturers have developed some pretty imaginative models of dolls. Baby Alive Whoopsie Doo dirties her diaper with both varieties of soilings. The anatomically-correct Baby Wee Wee wets his pants, and, according to the Irish advertisement, can even projectile pee while naked. Baby Fart and Burp does just what it suggests it might. Little Mommy My Very Real Baby Doll can do all sorts of things: it responds to touch; it blinks; it speaks 150 words; it eats popsicles. But it doesn’t require breast-feeding, like the Breast Milk Baby does.
All of the above models, realistic though they may attempt to be, fall short of the real thing. They provide only pale imitations of real babies, and are thus limited in what they can offer the child owner. The care-giving, I contend, will only be as good as the need for care. And so, I present to you Little Baby Four in the Morning, whose need for care is unparalleled among other dolls. Not only does she poop and pee, burp and fart, require endless breast-feeding, spit up, respond to touch and voice, and squirm around a whole lot, but she also wakes up at random times throughout the night and screams. Little Baby Four in the Morning will assure that your little caregiver gets no rest and that he or she will thus come to know more fully the joys of parenting.
My wife and I have created a prototype (photo attached). We look forward to hearing from you and working on future prototypes.