01 Sep

Tim’s Narcissistic Fantasies

1) Guidance counselors at West High School will alert Keesia Hyzer (the English Department Chair) to the large number of students lamenting “Mr. Storm’s” absence. Students will bombard the guidance office rescheduling lines in attempts to get the second best English teacher.
2) After a month of so, the English teachers at West High School will finally put their finger on why this year seems so strange: Tim Storm isn’t here!
3) Cashiers at Bagels Forever, Whole Foods, The Sushi Box and a half-dozen other Madison establishments will, sometime in October or November, turn to one another and say, “Wait, you remember that one guy?” (the others will know immediately) “He hasn’t come in in a while.” Conversations detailing Tim’s best qualities will ensue.
4) Tim’s high school friends will forgive his years-long negligence in keeping in touch and, growing curious about his whereabouts, will descover through googling and the grapevine, that he is to be admired anew for his purely selfless act of volunteering in Ecuador for a year.
5) Upon arriving in Ecuador, Tim will immediately draw attention from the 30-some other volunteers and program coordinators for his cool demeanor and quick wit. Over the course of the four-week orientation, Tim will dazzle attendees of social gatherings with his newly acquired guitar virtuosity and his captivating stories and jokes.
6) Tim’s Spanish will come back so naturally that after one week of the orientation Spanish classes, he will be withdrawn and given private lessons by an Ecuadorian college professor.
7) The Ecuadorian owners of the one or two internet cafes Tim frequents will be so impressed with his gregariousness, his Spanish fluency, and his computer skills that they’ll allow him free internet access, and they’ll greet him with an enthusiastic Norm-from-Cheers-like salutation every time he walks through the door.
8) Tim’s English classes in Ecuador will require little planning. His students will be delighted at all times with their expert teacher. The whole experience will be stress free for Tim.
9) Back in “the states,” Tim’s friends and family will read his website fervently. They will love it. They will tell their friends.
10) Upon arrival back in Madison, Tim will have more friends than when he left. They will greet him at his Madison home and help him move back into his house. It will take one day.