Tim’s Narcissistic Fantasies
1) Guidance counselors at West High School will alert Keesia Hyzer (the English Department Chair) to the large number of students lamenting “Mr. Storm’s” absence. Students will bombard the guidance office rescheduling lines in attempts to get the second best English teacher.
2) After a month of so, the English teachers at West High School will finally put their finger on why this year seems so strange: Tim Storm isn’t here!
3) Cashiers at Bagels Forever, Whole Foods, The Sushi Box and a half-dozen other Madison establishments will, sometime in October or November, turn to one another and say, “Wait, you remember that one guy?” (the others will know immediately) “He hasn’t come in in a while.” Conversations detailing Tim’s best qualities will ensue.
4) Tim’s high school friends will forgive his years-long negligence in keeping in touch and, growing curious about his whereabouts, will descover through googling and the grapevine, that he is to be admired anew for his purely selfless act of volunteering in Ecuador for a year.
5) Upon arriving in Ecuador, Tim will immediately draw attention from the 30-some other volunteers and program coordinators for his cool demeanor and quick wit. Over the course of the four-week orientation, Tim will dazzle attendees of social gatherings with his newly acquired guitar virtuosity and his captivating stories and jokes.
6) Tim’s Spanish will come back so naturally that after one week of the orientation Spanish classes, he will be withdrawn and given private lessons by an Ecuadorian college professor.
7) The Ecuadorian owners of the one or two internet cafes Tim frequents will be so impressed with his gregariousness, his Spanish fluency, and his computer skills that they’ll allow him free internet access, and they’ll greet him with an enthusiastic Norm-from-Cheers-like salutation every time he walks through the door.
8) Tim’s English classes in Ecuador will require little planning. His students will be delighted at all times with their expert teacher. The whole experience will be stress free for Tim.
9) Back in “the states,” Tim’s friends and family will read his website fervently. They will love it. They will tell their friends.
10) Upon arrival back in Madison, Tim will have more friends than when he left. They will greet him at his Madison home and help him move back into his house. It will take one day.
So far numbers 1 and 2 of your narcissism list haven’t materialized but it’s early. I’ll keep you posted. Are you there yet? Hope Frances is finished and you’re on your way. John told your clown joke and everyone thought he was brilliant. I told Tom Hyzer the joke and he didn’t laugh at all – didn’t even smile. I’m giving up on jokes.
Miss you in 204.
I did give you full credit for the joke! Hope all is well. I find it strange to look across my desk and not see your mug on the other side, but the year looks like a good one at this point.
So far, the report from the guidance office: students are wondering what happened to that guy who was gay with Mr. Howe. Otherwise, no major problems.
Your #9 is materializing. The computers in the library in Door County have people in line to view your web-site. I’m overhearing how impressed everyone is. I think your famous! Maybe the move back into the house will be easier.
Love you guys,
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