The five most Republican apples.

1) Idared. Named for Idaho, one of the only apple-growing Republican states this time around.
2) Wealthy. Republicans love their money. But they don’t like sharing.
3) Montgomery Ward Macintosh. This one’s named for a corporation. How Republican is that?
4) Maiden’s Blush. Cuz they love their virginity (until they lose it at 16).
5) Molly Delicious. I don’t know anything about this apple, but it sounds folksy and it’s pretty, so the Republican base will probably love it.