Karl Thickens

I just about shit my pants. Karl? I say. That Creepy Mofo who was at the bar with us that one night?

And she says, yeah, I was downtown, coming out of that shoe store on Washington, and I hear some guy say, what’s a pretty girl like you doing down here all alone? and I was a little freaked at first, but then I turned and saw Karl driving a red pickup truck and he says, Nata, right? and I say yeah, and he asks me if I need a ride.

So you got in the car with him? I say.

What’s the big deal? she says.

So I explain to her all the creepy details of that first time I met Karl and after I’m done with the whole explanation, she’s like, wow, he is a Creepy Mofo. And I’m like, yeah.

We stand there looking at each other for a second and then I remember that I’ve never asked Jimmy how he knew Karl. I ask Nata if she knows how Jimmy knows Karl.

No, she says.

You know what? I say. We’re gonna call that mofo.

Karl? she says.

No, I say, Jimmy.

So I pick up the phone, dail Jimmy’s number, and I get voice mail. Jimmy, I say (after the beep), hey, me and Nata are just wondering how you know Karl, cuz he’s actually a Creepy Mofo. He just gave Nata a ride and said all this Creepy Shit, and a lot of it was the same Creepy Shit he said to me a month ago when he gave me a ride. Call me. And then I say, asshole, just so he knows I still love him.

When I hang up, I say to Nata, maybe we should go over to his house, and Nata says, yeah, maybe Karl’s over there right now, like asking Jimmy to take a peak under the hood of his pickup truck.

And I sit there not saying anything, imagining how that plot might play out until I snap myself out of it and say, I’m callin Jimmy again. But just then the phone rings, and the caller id says it’s Jimmy.

Jimmy, I say.

What’s up, he mumbles.

Did you get my message?

Yeah.

So what gives?

Karl’s a nice guy, he says.

But something’s wrong with his voice. He sounds different. Like maybe he’s . . . holy shit! Who is this? I say.

I hear nothing.

Who is this? I repeat.

And then I hear a dial tone.