Sorry for the lack of stuff in the past month. Insert favorite excuse here (from list below).
- Dog ate it.
- Cat tipped it over.
- Ran out of salt and the store was closed.
- Used baking soda instead of baking powder.
- Can’t eat dairy.
- Battery died.
- Talk to the hand.
- Maybe you gave me the wrong address.
- Thought the O was a zero.
- Internet was down.
- Switched to Linux.
- Thought the white border meant it was optional.
- Printer went berserk.
- Turns out I’m colorblind.
- I was up till, like, three.
- Locked my keys in the car.
- The drugs don’t work.
- Power outage.
- I’m just in a bad place right now.
- Things have been pretty intense lately.
- I lost mine.
- I didn’t know.
- My wife forgot to remind me.
- I was spanked as a child.
- I’m standing at the bus stop and this guy walks up to me and he’s like, hi, my name’s Karl. And I’m like, uh, hi Karl, and he stands there kinda just looking at me for about four seconds (which is a long time in reality) and he says, um, my car won’t start and I was gonna try to pop the clutch but I need someone to help me with that. And I just look at him blankly for a while and he says, I could give you a ride to wherever you need to go.
So I say, ok, and he says, aw, man, thanks so much. So we walk together without speaking for like three blocks and he points to a red pickup truck and says it’s this one. I start to push it on his signal and he tries to pop the clutch but it’s pretty clear he doesn’t know how to do it cuz he keeps trying to force it into first gear. So I say, hey Karl, why don’t you push and I’ll pop the clutch, and he says sure. So he pushes and I pop the clutch and the car starts. I move over to the passenger seat and he gets in and says where to, and I say north side.
We take off and right away, he gets on the highway heading east. And I’m like, uh, Karl, north side aint east. And he looks at me kinda awkward and says really slowly, oh, yeah, you’re right. I’m thinking, okay, this guy’s a freak, and I tell him he can get off at this exit so he does. But then he says, so what’s a pretty girl like you doin waitin for the bus all alone, dontcha got a boyfriend? And I say, uh, Karl? I’m a guy. And he says, right, that’s what I meant. He says, I meant to say girlfriend.
After that we don’t talk for a while. Then out of the blue, Karl says, I don’t think I got your name. And I want to lie to him and say my name is Dan Smitherson, but I don’t have the nerve to actually do it, so I tell him my real name and he smiles at me. So I’m like, you know what, Karl, you can let me out right on this corner. And he says, you sure? And I say, yes. So he lets me out and says, see ya later. And I walk away without answering.