03 Sep

Ironman countdown

A week from today, I’ll be suffering through the Ironman. It starts at 7:00am. I’m thinking the swim will take me about 1 hour, 15 minutes. Then I’ll get out of the lake, run up the parking ramp of Monona Terrace, change into my biking clothes, and get on my bike.

The bike ride will take about six hours. So I’ll finish it somewhere around 2:15, I’m guessing.

Then comes the run, which will be miserable. Here’s where I’ll probably need the most encouragement. I’ll look like this:

Ironman outfit

-without the dog peeing behind me, of course. I won’t be smiling either. But I’ll have on this exact outfit, complete with orange and black Harley-Davidson hat.

If you’d like to see what the course looks like, this guy named Simply Stu (who I prefer to call Disco Stu), has created a video of it at his website. In fact he’s got the bike course and the running course, though they’re both 30 minute videos, so they’ll take a while to download, especially if you have a slow connection. Click: Bike Course; Run Course. At the bottom of his posts, he has a link to “direct download,” which will get you the videos.

The Ironman website also has maps and a “Spectator Guide,” if you’re interested. If you offer me food from the sidelines, I’ll have to respectfully decline. However, I’ll gladly accept a cold bottle of Vitamin Water spiked with testosterone.

Actually, that might be illegal, too. I’ll have to check the spectator guide.

There’s also a site called Ironmanlive.com which will be tracking everyone, so you can tell approximately where I am on the course.

I have no idea how easy it is to drive around to different points of the bike course, but the run course is all pretty much in the downtown/campus area, so it will be very easy to traverse as a spectator. The bike portion is pretty cool, unless the only thing you’re interested in seeing is me. If that’s the case, I recommend blowing up the above picture and carrying it with you.

If you do end up turning out to watch the event, I’d love to see you out there. I get motivated by demeaning comments like the following:

  • You call that race pace, [expletive]! C’mon, you [expletive]!
  • Balls to the wall, [expletive]!
  • Nice outfit, mama’s boy!

Seriously, though. If you are watching this thing and you take the time to single me out, you can say anything you want to me, including cliches (“Keep it up!”), lies (“Looking good!”), poor attempts at motivation (“Only 126 miles left!”), or over-the-top remarks (“Yeah, Beotch! Time for the Smackdown!”)

Okay, that’s all the self-promotion I’m gonna do. A week from now, I’ll let you know how it went.

P.S. My number is 568. I’ll have to wear a belt with the number displayed, and I’ll get the number written on my arms and legs.

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