20 Feb

Karl Resurfaces

So then I’m like, shit. I have no idea what I’m gonna say cuz, see, here’s the thing: my chances with Nata are based not only on how smooth I am, but on how smooth the whole night is. And things would get really awkward if I told the truth about Karl right now. So I say nothing. Instead, I sit there with my mouth open, looking dumbly at Nata.

Then Karl leans in close to Nata and says, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And I’m picturing what my bottle of beer could do to Karl’s nose. Nata looks at Karl like he just let one go and is smelling up the place, but Karl, says, that’s what he said to me — he said you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Everyone exhales audibly. Nata melts, turns to me, and says, aw, you said that?

Uh, yeah, I sputter. And Nata grabs my arm with both hands and smiles and says, that’s sweet, and I smile at her, and her smile gets bigger than it was, and then my smile gets bigger than it was and then someone in the group coughs and we realize everyone’s looking at us, so Nata lets go of my arm and I call the waitress over for some more drinks.

We make it through the rest of the night, pretty much without incident and over the course of the next month, Nata are seeing each other like three times a week at least. We watch Oprah, we play Grand Theft Auto, we make out. It’s pretty much like the ideal girlfriend situation, okay?

But then one day, Nata shows up at my place and says, you’ll never guess who gave me a ride over here. And I say, who? And she says, Karl.

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